


What I Want

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mother-Son Relationship, Other Characters Are Mentioned, buckle up kids we're going on a feels trip, idk how to tag genres and stuff so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 19:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3621873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Greg Universe was a great dad - no, not just a great dad. The greatest dad, if you asked Steven. And the gems were great... Guardians? Not sisters, or parents, but maybe... Aunts? Steven had never really labelled them before, but the point was, they were great. And of course he had great friends like Connie, Lion, & Lapis - he was a lucky kid.</p>
<p>Yet despite all of these people he had in his life, Steven was not feeling great. </p>
<p>========<br/>Sad fic about Rose because I enjoy the taste of tears</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I Want

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this while I was feeling sick and gross to cure writer's block. I've never written Steven Universe so this was actually pretty interesting! I tried a simpler writing style than the one I use on my Ace Attorney fic because getting super descriptive with SU felt too weird oops. Also sorry, it's probably not of the same quality of most of my stories but it took me so long I didn't feel like revising LMAO

Greg Universe was a great dad - no, not just a great dad. The _greatest_ dad, if you asked Steven. And the gems were great... Guardians? Not sisters, or parents, but maybe... Aunts? Steven had never really labeled them before, but the point was, they were _great_. And of course he had _great friends_ like Connie, Lion,  & Lapis - he was a lucky kid.

 

Yet despite all of these people he had in his life, Steven was not feeling great.

 

The room had been opened. Even though he had not seen the action himself, he heard the familiar sound. He tried to ignore it and told himself that one of the gems was just passing through; but even through watery eyes he could see the pink glow escaping his t-shirt.

 

As much as he wanted to tune it out, he couldn't keep his eyes shut forever.

 

Absentmindedly, he dried his face with a nearby blanket and draped it over himself, wearing it like a cloak and almost tripping over it on multiple occasions while walking down the stairs. Feeling as though he was not the one in control of his legs, he plodded in a zombie-like manner towards the door until he was engulfed in light.

 

The interior was soft, comforting, and overall: _beautiful_. Just entering the room had made him feel safer. Unfortunately, though, it hadn't gotten rid of the unexplainable void in his chest.

 

He wandered aimlessly through the cotton candy-esk clouds for - well, he didn't know how long. Eventually, however, he plopped down and cocooned himself in his blanket-cape. _What did he want? What would make him feel better?_ He took a prolonged amount of time to think of an answer, but when he did, he stood up and declared it to the sky.

 

"I want to talk." After his request, he spoke again - this time against his will. " _I want to talk_." If he hadn't felt his lips moving in time with the sound, he would have taken that sound for an echo. Shaking his head frustratedly, he scooped up a wisp of clouds in his hands and started over.

 

"No! That... That's not what I meant." He sighed and cradled the object in his arms. "I... I don't just want to talk. I want to talk to you. I want you, mom..." Nothing happened, and for a moment Steven considered going back to _his_ room instead. However, right when he was about to pull out of the hug he was giving the fluffy cloud before him; he felt a pair of arms envelop him.

 

Astonished, he pulled away immediately. He was eye-to-eye with a mass of pure-white fabric, free of any stains or wrinkles. Stumbling backwards and landing on his spine, he finally had a full view of the figure in front of him - and for a few seconds, he forgot how to breathe.

 

She was sitting on her knees, hands in her lap. Everything about her looked soft, from her beautifully curled bubblegum-pink hair to her long, flowing dress. The look in her eyes provided a form of comfort he knew that words could never give. The one thing that majorly stood out to him, though, was that every single thing about her was simply _beautiful_.

 

It couldn't be her. _She's a fake,_ he told himself. After all, he had all the proof he needed right in front of him. _The gem._ Steven was staring intently at the star cut out in the opposing woman's chest. He had seen the same image almost daily in the mirror. _She has your gem._

 

In the next instant, he covered his eyes with his hands and rolled up into a ball, as if this could protect him. This was a bad idea. He shouldn't have asked for this. There was nothing he or anyone else could do to get back his _real_ mom. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to tell the room to make her go away. He couldn't even bring himself to uncover his eyes. And so he waited, hoping that... Well, he didn't know what he was hoping for. It seemed like forever until he decided to speak.

 

"I'm not going to look at you. I've had dreams like this before, you know." Steven could feel his shoulders start to shake. "Dreams where you show up out of nowhere, and you tell me you've found a way for us to coexist, and you hug me, and you... and you..." now he was messily sobbing into his clothes, but he didn't care anymore "y-you...h-hug me... you t-tell me that our family is wh-whole again..." he was hiccupping; a combination of tears and mucus running down his face and onto the legs of his jeans "They... they always end before we see d-dad, you know. And somet-times, when I w-wake up..."

 

"Sometimes I expect you to be there."

 

If there was any effort to hold back tears before, it was all gone now. His sobs were getting grosser and uglier by the second. However, they came to an abrupt stop when he heard quiet, gentle laughter like the sound of ringing bells.

 

The noise gave him the courage to peek out from behind his fingertips. Rose had her arm extended towards him with a calm smile on her face.

 

"Come with me, Steven. Let's take a walk together, okay?" She pushed herself up off the ground and leaned towards her son, outstretched arm never faltering. It took him a full minute to offer his own hand in return.

 

For a while, the duo walked in silence. Due to her great height, Steven had to keep his hand raised in the air in order to keep holding hers. It got tiring, but he refused to let go.

 

"You're so strong, Steven." Still walking without breaking a beat, Rose spoke lightly, yet her presence was most definitely heard. "So strong."

 

"But just a few seconds ago, I was crying like a little baby..." he had looked down, suddenly more interested in his shoes than anything around him "you saw me. You know."

 

"And what difference does that make?"

 

Steven still did not meet her gaze.

 

"This is the room... This is the room telling me what I want to hear again," his voice was getting louder by the word "and it's fake, it's all fake!" Finally, he met his mother's gaze. "You, you're fake too!" he pointed his finger in an accusational manner, but regretted it as soon as he had done it. "I.. I'm so-"

 

"Don't be." The curly haired woman stopped walking and kneeled down towards her son. "The room, me - there's no real difference. But that doesn't change anything. I meant what I said." She held both of his tiny hands in her fingers. "You're strong, caring, talented, and beautiful. In more ways than one." she added with a smile.

 

"No... No, mom, that's... that's you." He avoided her gaze once again. "Well, maybe that is me, but only the part of me that's you. I still don't understand the whole 'you being a part of me' thing, but I know that's not me."

 

Steven felt his chin being gently lifted upwards until he and his mother were making direct eye contact. When she pulled her hand out from under his jaw, she paused - then quickly pulled him into a strong embrace. It wasn't slow or gentle; but messy, awkward, and imperfect.

 

"You're so much better than I will ever be, Steven. My time is over - the earth needs _you_ now. Don't ever forget that." The boy stood in absolute shock and could have sworn he felt a wet sensation on the back of his neck where his mother rested her cheek. "I wish I could be around to help you love yourself _all the time_." Steven returned the hug, gripping her as tightly as he could. "I want to be there for you. I want to be able to do what _you_ want."

 

He backed away from her, a look of determination on his face. "Then come with me."

 

For the first time, Rose was the one avoiding Steven's gaze; wiping her eyes with her dress much like how her son had done with his blanket earlier.

 

"Just leave with me!" As he was speaking, a door appeared behind him. "Everyone and everything you care about is out there! What are you waiting for?" His shoulders started to tremble. "This is what I want!"

 

Without warning, Rose's body started to fade. "I'm sorry, Steven..."

 

"But this time, I can't give you what you want."

 

Just like that, she was gone. Steven waited for a long time, desperately wishing for her to return. Something told him, however, that 'the room' wasn't going to let that happen.

 

When he walked back into the temple, Pearl was sitting on the couch and Lion was waiting loyally beside the door. Pearl turned around as Steven sat down with a blank expression, encompassing himself with his blanket that had mysteriously reappeared in his hands.

 

"Steven, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

 

Lion let him rest against his mane as Pearl ran to his side.

 

"Garnet, Amethyst, get in here! Something's wrong with Steven!"

 

Soon enough all of the gems were crowded around him, begging him to respond. Steven simply rested his head against his knees and began to cry.

**Author's Note:**

> [I AM, IN FACT, A HORRIBLE MONSTER THAT NEEDS TO BE STOPPED]


End file.
